Didn't We Almost Have It All
by Misha
Summary: It had year that had changed their lives, a year where they'd almost had it all... Ensemble.


Didn't We Almost Have It All?  
By Misha

Disclaimer- I own neither the character or the song, it all belongs to someone with much more money than me. I'm not making any money off this, so please don't sue me.

Author's Notes- I started this right after "Didn't We Almost Have it All", even if it took me several months to write. This story is a song-fic set to the song "Almost Doesn't Count" and features most of the main characters. I just couldn't resist writing this, warning though it's very bittersweet...

Pairings- Derek/Meredith, Christina/Burke, George/Callie, George/Izzie, Izzie/Denny, Izzie/Alex, Alex/Ava, Derek/Addison, minor Mark/Addison, minor Alex/Addison.

Summery- It had year that had changed their lives, a year where they'd almost had it all...

Spoilers- Everything up to "Didn't We Almost Have It All"

Rating- PG-13

* * *

_Remember when we held on in the rain  
The night we almost lost it  
Once again we can take the night into tomorrow  
Living on feelings  
Touching you I feel it all again_

Derek returned to his trailer, feeling empty and lost. Meredith's words, "I can't" and then "it's over, it's all over" kept ringing in his head.

He knew that she hadn't just been talking about the wedding about Preston and Christina, but about them as well. He'd asked her to commit or let him go and well, it sounded like she was letting him go.

Derek kept hoping he was wrong, that she'd appear and tell him that he was the love of her life and that she wanted to fight for them, but he knew she wouldn't.

He sat there, outside, staring at the starry skye remembering the past year. The ups and the downs, the promises made and broken. He remembered making love to Meredith for the first time, then at the prom and then the first time after everything.

They made it through so much, but he couldn't be the only one fighting and it didn't seem like Meredith wanted to fight for him. Maybe that was his fault, maybe it would be different if he had ëpicked her, chose her, loved her' when she'd asked him too.

But that wasn't the man he was. He'd need to fight it out with Addison, needed to try, because he couldn't just walk away from a commitment, from eleven years without trying. Even that was ironic, he stayed, but didn't really fight, and it was Addison who tried to save them and now he was the one who was fighting while Meredith...

She wasn't fighting. She was walking away, like he had done with Addison.

Derek sighed. He'd thought it would be different, that he could save Meredith and they'd have it all. That he'd marry her and they'd have a lifetime together, but... That was never going to happen. She was gone and he was left, remembering what they had and what the could have had...  
_  
Didn't we almost have it all  
When love was all we had worth giving?  
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend  
Loving you makes life worth living  
_  
George wandered the streets, unwilling to go home and not wanting to go to the Emerald City Bar or anywhere like that. He needed to be alone with his thoughts.

It was over. He was no longer an intern at Seattle Grace Hospital. He had no idea what he'd do now, but he knew he couldn't do it again. Couldn't be an intern for another year.

Though, the past year had been the most eventful year of his life. So much had happened. In a year, he'd met the most amazing people, fell in love with three different women, gotten married, lost his father and for a moment, had been a surgeon. 

He wasn't done with medicine, he'd switch to an easier speciality, one that didn't require so much time and intensity, but it wouldn't be the same. He'd never again be a surgeon. He also had to figure out what he was going to do about Callie and Izzie. 

Callie was his wife, he made vows and he wanted to keep them. But Izzie... She was his best friend and when she'd told him that she was in love with him... He was in love with her too, even though it was wrong and though he still loved his wife.

He didn't know what to do, what move he was supposed to make. A year ago, it had all seemed so simple, his only goal had been to make it through the next seven years in one piece.

Now, a year later... He had to figure out a new goal, had to figure out what he was going to do now, now that his dream had been dashed.

George shook his head. Still, he didn't regret it, he couldn't... Despite how it had ended up, it had been one Hell of a year, that was for sure... The best and worst year of his life and one that he'd never ever forget...

_Didn't we almost have it all  
The night we held on till the morning  
You know you'll never love that way again  
Didn't we almost have it all  
_  
Christina sat in the apartment, all alone. She'd sent Meredith home about an hour before, because she just needed... She needed to just be by herself.

It was over. All of it was over. She'd finished her internship and Burke was gone. She knew that he wouldn't be back, that it was over.

Christina hugged herself, not sure how she felt. She'd wanted it, for Burke, she'd wanted to be what he needed... She would have gone through with it, she would have married him and been Mrs. Burke and...

She would have been miserable, maybe not right away, but eventually, because... She wouldn't have been her any longer. Burke had seen that, seen what she was afraid to tell him, and...

Well, Christina couldn't think of it as a noble gesture, him leaving that way, but... She wasn't cut out for the life he wanted and maybe it was best that they realized it now. That they walked away before it was too late.

Christina let out a rueful sigh. For a moment, she'd thought that they could do it, that they could have it all. She should have known better. She should have known that such thing wasn't possible.

Oh, but for a moment... Well, for a moment she had believed and it had been amazing...

_The way you used to touch me felt so fine  
We kept our hearts together down the line  
A moment in the soul can last forever  
Comfort and keep us  
Help me bring the feeling back again  
_  
Addison sat in her hotel room, wondering what came next. What did she do now? She wasn't going to be Chief, she was never going to have children, and she no longer had a marriage.

She had to figure out where to go from here. She couldn't stay in Seattle, she knew that. Not without being Chief or without Derek or without anything to make her stay. Yet...

She had no desire to go back to New York, because that life was over, she couldn't go back to it. She wasn't the Addison who had left, in the last ten months, she had become someone entirely different. Her life with Derek was over.

Mark wasn't the answer and neither was Alex Karev, she had to figure out who she was and what happened next. Maybe California was the answer, maybe there she'd find what she was looking for. She didn't know, she just knew that she needed something.

Coming to Seattle... Maybe it had been a mistake, maybe it hadn't. She didn't know, but she did know she needed change. She needed to find herself again, to reassess her life and she knew now that whatever she was looking for it wasn't here, it wasn't in Seattle.

No, it was time for her to move on, to find whatever it was that would come next...

_Didn't we almost have it all  
When love was all we had worth giving?  
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend  
Loving you makes life worth living  
_  
Meredith sat alone in her darkened bedroom. It was over. Burke and Christina. Her and Derek. They had failed. 

She had tried so hard to hope, to believe that screwed-up people could get happy endings, but now she knew better. Derek needed someone who could love him completely, who didn't keep holding back and running away. She'd wanted to believe that she could be that, that she could be happy and functional, but... The truth was her damage was too deep, too extensive and she didn't know how to heal. 

Meredith let out a gusty sigh. It had been quite a year, that was for sure. In a year, she had met a man in a bar, fallen in love with him, lost him, got him back again and now she'd let him go. She'd met the best friends she'd ever had, people closer to her than any blood relative could possibly be and she'd even started to understand that family wasn't about blood.

Of course, she'd also lost her mother and stepmother and her father... Well, she thought she might have found him for a moment, but she'd been wrong. No, her father... Well, he wasn't an option in her life and she knew that now.

She didn't know where she went from here, what she had left, but... What she did know was that she couldn't go back, she just had to go forward.

Still for one last night, she couldn't help but think of the last year and all that had happened, all that they'd had and all they might have had...  
_  
Didn't we almost have it all  
The night we held on till the morning  
You know you'll never love that way again  
Didn't we almost have it all_

Preston sat in the airport, trying to figure out what happened next, where he'd go. There were lots of offers, there always had been. Places he could go, hospitals that would be thrilled to have Preston Burke on staff, but... There'd never be another Seattle Grace, that was for sure.

He knew wherever he went, he'd be leaving so much of himself behind in Seattle, but he had to go. He couldn't stay. Not when he wouldn't be Chief and not without Christina...

He could have married her, had wanted so badly to marry her, but it wouldn't have been right and he knew that. To marry her would have been to destroy the woman he loved. She wouldn't have been Christina any longer, not really.

So he called things off, he let her go, and because of that, he had to leave. He couldn't stay and not marry her, so he'd go, but he'd leave a piece of his heart behind.

Preston heard his flight being called, he was going back home for a few weeks until he could figure out what came next, where to go. Right now, he just needed to be away and then he'd figure out the rest from there.

He stood up and then paused, taking a moment to let the reality of it sink in. This was it, his swan song. He was leaving Seattle and he never intended to return.

He closed his eyes and let all the memories wash over him and then he opened them and resolutely made his way to the terminal. It was over, but, oh, it had been quite the ride while it lasted...__

Didn't we have the best of times  
When love was young and new?  
Couldn't we reach inside and find  
The world of me and you?  
We'll never lose it again  
Cause once you know what love is  
You never let it end

Alex sat in his room, the whole house was silent. They were all home, but no one was making any noise. Of course, it had been that kind of day, where silence was the only refuge.

Ava was gone. She'd gone back to being Rebecca, because he'd told her to, because he hadn't asked her to stay. She was gone.

Part of him thought it was for the best, because he didn't know how to be the kind of man she needed, but... Then, Addison had talked to him and he had wanted to try, because she was right, he was going to regret it for the rest of his life.

Of course, he already had a lot of regrets in his life, so really what was one more? Besides, it was probably better this way. Jeff Pope was a good man and he loved Rebecca and the baby and he'd be able to give them more than Alex knew how to.

Ava deserved better than him.

The truth was, Izzie had been right all those months ago when she'd hatefully told him that any woman was too good for him. Alex was too damaged, too broken for a relationship.

Sex he could do, but love, he was just no good at love. In the end, his love only ended in pain. He'd learnt that lesson a long time ago.

Still, Alex knew that he'd treasure his memories of Ava for the rest of his life, along with the idea of everything they almost had, if only he had been a better man...

_Didn't we almost have it all  
When love was all we had worth giving?  
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend  
Loving you makes life worth living  
_  
Izzie sat crossed legged on her bed, just... Thinking. About George, about Christina, about everything.

Callie was Chief Resident, Callie was going to be her _boss_ from now on. Callie and George had tried for a baby.

Izzie wondered what it meant. She had told George she loved him, but he hadn't said anything and now this... What did it mean for her? Was she going to lose out yet again?

Alex hadn't turned out to be what she was looking for and then there was Denny and now this... She didn't know how she could take it. She didn't know how she could survive losing yet another man in just one year.

She had always thought love, true love, was supposed to conquer everything and yet... Well, she hadn't been doing so well at love, in fact, she was pretty much sucking it up. This year had been...

Well, it had been a lot of things. In some ways it had been the worst year of her life, in others it had been the most extraordinary. So much had happened, she'd learnt so much about herself and discovered the best friends she'd ever known.

Oh, it had definitely been a year she'd never forget that was sure. One Hell of a ride and Izzie was sure none of them would ever forget it, she knew she certainly wouldn't...

_Didn't we almost have it all  
The night we held on till the morning  
You know you'll never love that way again  
Didn't we almost have it all_

Miranda stood over her son's crib, watching him sleep. She wasn't going to be Chief Resident, she thought, she had assumed, and yet... It wasn't happening. She'd been passed over and she couldn't help wonder if it was because of the baby sleeping in the crib in front of her.

She'd spent several months being mommy-tracked, so why should this be any different. The truth was, there was a belief that a woman couldn't be a mother and a surgeon at the same time.

Miranda didn't believe that, but she did know that she had changed since Tuck's birth. Still, she was just as good of surgeon as she'd ever been and she knew that she'd make a much better Chief Resident than Callie Torres O'Malley, but...

Obviously, it wasn't meant to be and looking down at her son, she couldn't regret the choices she had made.

This year, this group of interns had changed her life in so many ways, so much had happened... Too much to call this year a disappointment or a failure, despite the way it had ended.

So, she hadn't achieved her dream, she had achieved so much else. They all had, this year well it had been one in a million, and Miranda knew that as long as she lived she'd never forget everything that had happened, she doubted any of them ever would...

After all, hadn't they almost had it all?

The End


End file.
